Home Thoughts from Dubai - knowledge through words
Tip when visiting/moving to Dubai:
Don’t be afraid of leaving a taxi if it is too smelly. Or else bring a strong deodorant spray.
Reflections from the week:
What an awful morning. Up at 6.10 am to give you some worthwhile ‘food’ for your weekend chats and dinner parties. Then my computer collapsed. Twice. It is a new computer and is really testing my tolerance points. Then the ‘spelling assist’ programme collapsed (so forgive any errors). What a shame its Friday. I will have to wait till tomorrow to assault the thieving Indian sales-person at Jumbo. All this has taken nearly two hours from my time with you. So please exercise the same level of tolerance and patience that I have been so endowed with this morning. So forgive any of the haste/brevity.
Another person up early was Joanne. She is in India for an ‘Indian Wedding’. Three days of it. And this morning ‘the dresser’ (she brought enough clothes to dress an army) arrived at 3 am, so Jo would be fully ‘consistent’ with every other guest – in the loudest reds, blues, pinks etc. These weddings are seemingly THE most colourful affair you can imagine. A true heaven of colours. So all the guests congregated at 4.30 am. Hope there are no photographers. Can you imagine getting ‘captured’ on film, having been disturbed from your sleep at THREE AM. This event, which I skillfully avoided, only gets worse. There is NO dancing. WHAT ? Is it not a wedding ? A cause for celebration. Or is it !!! Don’t all cultures appreciate and include the arts of dance and song in their cultural pasts. Is this not part of the recreational tapestry of all nations/races/religions ? And then there is the fact that Jo is not exactly fluent in Hindi or Urdu or ‘basic Indian’. So lots of joy around the table. And she politely joins in. Wondering what was so funny. Seconds that feel like minutes. Minutes like hours. Real memorable stuff. She will at some stage today get fed. But I hope her stomach is not eagerly anticipating a nice juicy medium-well done steak !!! Yeah wrong country. But at least she can relieve the boredom. Plaster your body with alcohol. Well NO. There is NONE. Anyhow I think you get the flow. It would be a place where I would probably have committed suicide. Probably would have used one of Jo’s Sari’s (is that the way you spell it ???). The material is as long as the Sheikh Zayed Road (very long motorway for my foreign readers).
The Irish vote on the Euro Treaty, probably warrants some comment. But it is far too complex for my head. So lets just watch the result with indifference. Who cares. If Ireland is not capable of getting to the finals of the Eurovisions Song Contest anymore maybe it is time to show we are ‘pissed off’. What more powerful way than through the Referendum !!
Is there anybody else out there bored with the Euro 2008 (football) competition ? I mean no England, Scotland, Wales or either Irish teams. The only positive is the early elimination of the boring Italians. But another event not worthy of valuable time. On the subject of soccer however I did pick up a little piece of data that I found fascinating. Did you know that in the 7.781 days that Alex Ferguson has been in charge of Manchester United he has spent 360 million pounds on player transfers. Thats a cool 46,000 pounds per day. Now who says women are expensive.
On the subject of expensive the Dubai government are going to have to intervene in the residential letting market. It has got savagely out of control, particularly at the low end. A one bed apartment in Al Ain which cost AED 18,000 just a few months ago is now priced at AED 30,000. A SIXTY SEVEN per cent increase. Where is the Rent Committee. Al Ain is not exactly Deira. Rentals will ultimately ‘close’ Dubai. Too many people are now reviewing their commitments/decisions to live in the Emirate. The cost of living here needs some serious review.
I am glad that last weeks awful ‘murder’ (by the Local in the Hummer) of a Scotish woman has ended with an arrest. Now. Stop that. YES it IS the driver that has been arrested. NOT somebody prepared to ‘take the bullet’ for the REAL driver. Yes it IS the driver. Yes it IS the real driver. Just STOP. STOP. Case closed. Well until I find out what the ‘punishment’ is. The police are applying a ‘premeditated murder’ charge – which carries the death penalty in some Arab countries, but, alas, only has a life sentence in the UAE.
On another positive note, I have ‘cracked’ the Labour Dept problems with my female cleaning workers. Who says ‘brown envelopes’ are a product of some museum age. After 12 weeks of fighting, I can now concentrate on a more profitable use of my valuable time. I do have to thank my very powerful sponsors and friends for their intervention. So now I can hit the ‘growth pedal’. It is such a great business. Lets set ourselves a target of 100 employees over the next 12 months. That will be 240,000 hours of work per annum. Bring on all those new buildings. I hope I can access enough of those brown envelopes.
One real stride forward this week is the move by many Developers to ban animals/pets from apartment blocks. A 30 day notice has been issued to residents in Jumeirah Beach Residents. Surely if there was ONE place in Dubai where animals would feel at home, then JBR is THE place. It does not look like a place for humans. But alas the animals have lost. And will not need to be taken down to the beach, and asked to make their way to Iran. Goodbye all you little ‘kitty’s’, ‘spot’s’, ‘lassies’ and the like. The Government also need to apply some rule to pets on the Palm. Too many (dog/cat) owners do not realise that children may pick up diseases from excrement ‘abandoned’ by these ‘pets’. There have also been a number of incidents where people walking along the beach, have been attacked by these ‘pets’. At risk of angering some readers, the law needs to be toughened. And enforced. The alternative involves ‘leads and brush/pan/bags’.
Jones Lang LaSalle have added their voice to the belief that it will be early 2011 before the Abu Dhabi office market will reach a demand/supply balance. This sounds surprisingly early. If one were to accept this belief, then the Dubai market will surely pass this demand/supply point some time earlier. I have always argued that this would be the case. The HSBC, Standard Chartered etc experts are ‘off the mark’ – with their 2015 predictions. I passionately believe Dubai will have sufficient office supply in mid 2010, and that rental (and obviously values) rates will collapse from the current ridiculous (and greedy) levels of AED 400 per sq ft. I see ceiling Business Bay rental pricing of AED 180/200 per sq ft by the end of 2010. I cannot complete this paragraph without congratulating my good old ‘Midas from Louth’ on achieving AED 250 per sq ft in Fortune Tower (Jumeirah Lakes). 9 year lease to a very large European brand. What a man !!
Finally the poor English must be very upset by a recent international appraisal of their skills in mathematics. With a population sample of 5,000 and with 50 countries participating in the ‘competition’ , our good ‘Sweet Charrriiioooottt’ friends were bottom of the league. Their average score was 44%. Ouch. And now they are not even scoring at football. Or cricket. Or rugby. Or tennis. Or athletics. What message is God sending to them. For those interested the top three positions were held by Russia (1st), China (2nd) and Hungary (3rd). Ireland, for obvious reasons, did not participate !!
Finally finally if ever I needed convincing that this part of the world is far more preferable than a British/Irish alternative, an article in this weeks Daily Mail eradicated any doubts. Apparently the local friendly ‘bin man’ has won his right not to take away your rubbish in the wheelie-bin UNLESS he can pull your ‘wheelie’ with just two fingers. Yes two fingers. Now what type of society/government would allow such a ridiculous change in work practices. But I guess that is now the culture of the Western World. You don’t have to ask me what I think of this new ‘two finger’ rule. It is wholly appropriate that it is TWO rather than three fingers.
Property corner:
My good friends William and Shane were in Dubai this week and as expected when you have two hungry kids around, they find lots of ‘property food’. They enthusiastically jumped out of their beds at 7 am and sprinted around the City looking for those ‘bargains’. By last evening they had, predictably, ‘discovered’ 4 opportunities that have not been fully appreciated by the rest of us !! But I have to agree with their conclusions. Of the 4, three are not new. But in the Legends, they definitely triggered my interest. I will probably try to put a Fund together over the next few weeks. As an addition to last weeks ‘loan product’ I now have a variation. I can get ‘lenders’ 2 per cent per month. And the good news is that I can make the loan totally safe. So lets get some movement out there. I also have a new Fund in the final stages of negotiation. It will be 9/12 months and will deliver a 25% return on capital invested.
Pig Corner:
I just cannot believe that Dubai’s recently established Real Estate Regulatory Authority (RERA) has decided that it does not see it within its mandate to sort out Memorandum of Understanding disputes between Buyers and Sellers. While it had previously accepted this responsibility, the work burden must have been too much for some of those poor Arabs – who do not belief that being paid should be linked to anything other than them turning up at work. And even then the time they turn up is NOT important. Just turn up. They are however still looking at ‘managing’ the number of estate agents in the market. You can expect many to disappear over the next 18 months. Well done RERA, it is time so many of these cowboys were banished from the business landscape. I can, as a customer and victim, give you my list !!
I do have to mention, in defence of my friends at RERA, that there is a new Property Court which should be capable of handling MOU disputes.
Fun corner:
A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun. He shouts ‘this is a raid - everyone get on the floor!!’, and proceeds to empty the cash drawers. As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts.. ‘Did anybody else here see my face?’. The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him in the head also. ‘Did anybody else see my face?’ he shouts again, waving his gun around. There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a distant corner. ‘I think my missus caught a glimpse….’ !!!!!!!!
A man & his ever naggin wife were on holiday in Jerusalem when the wife died suddenly.The funeral co.said it will cost £5K 2 ship her home or £500 2 bury her here.The husband said ship her home.The undertaker said “but Sir why dont u bury her in the Holy Land & save the money.”The husband said “a long long time ago a man was buried here & 3 days later he rose from the dead..I cant take the fuckin chance!!
Another quick lawyer joke. THEY deserve it A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. “There must be some mistake,” the lawyer argues. “I’m too young to die. I’m only 55.” “Fifty-five?” says Saint Peter. “No, according to out calculations, you’re 82.” “How’d you get that?” the lawyer asks. Answers St. Peter, “We added up your time sheets.”
Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, “I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland.” The other guy responds proudly, ‘Yes, that I am!” The first guy says, “So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?” “I’m from Dublin, I am.” “Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?” “A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town,” the second guy says. “Faith & it’s a small world, so did I! And to what school would you have been going?” “Well now, I went to St. Mary’s of course.” The first guy gets really excited, and says, “And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?” The other guy answers, “Well, now, I graduated in 1964.” “The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar on this very night. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 my own self.” About this time, another guy walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer. The bartender walks over shaking his head and mutters, “It’s going to be a long night tonight, the Murphy twins are drunk again.”
Some great Bumper Stickers from the USA
Driver carries no cash …………………… he is married.
Can’t feed them ………………………………don’t BREED ‘em
4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions.
Drugs Lead Nowhere ………………. but its the Scenic Route
KEEP HONKING ……………………… I’M RELOADING !!!!
Where the Hell is Easy Street ?
I am Not an Alcoholic ………………… I’m a DRUNK …………Alcoholics go to meetings.
Jesus is coming ………………………. Look Busy
Gun Control means using BOTH HANDS
If Money is the Root of all Evil, Why do Churches ask for it ?
Jesus Loves YOU…but Everyone else Thinks you are an Ass.
Impotence..Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings,”
Everyone has a photographic memory ………………..some just don’t have any film.
Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
I used to have a handle on life………………….but it broke off.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
Guys…just because you have one, doesn’t mean you have to be one..
Don’t like my driving? ……………………. Then quit watching me.
If you can read this………I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Try not to let your mind wander…It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.
For those of you who have the time here is how a tax economy works.
Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this: The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing. The fifth would pay $1. The sixth would pay $3. The seventh would pay $7. The eighth would pay $12. The ninth would pay $18. The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59. So, that’s what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. ‘Since you are all such good customers, he said, ‘I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20. Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.
The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. What happens to the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his ‘fair share?’ They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay. And so: The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings). The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings). The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings). The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings). The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings). The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. ‘I only got a dollar out of the $20,’declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man,’ but he got $10!’ ‘Yeah, that’s right,’ exclaimed the fifth man. ‘I only saved a dollar, too. It’s unfair that he got ten times more than I!’ ‘That’s true!!’ shouted the seventh man. ‘Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!’ ‘Wait a minute,’ yelled the first four men in unison. ‘We didn’t get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!’ The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up. The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn’t have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill! And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.
Currency corner:
Well for those of you who thought I was wrong about calling the top of the US currency a few weeks ago, please give me a call and apologise. It did look a bit scary last week when the Euro/$ slipped to 1.575. But thankfully this week a couple of VERY powerful people came to my rescue. Messers Paulson and Bernanke each contributed. Mr Bernanke told the world that US interest rates were on the way upwards. Paulson, fresh from his Middle East tour and no doubt commitments to keep the dollar strong, made the very powerful statement that if the $ declined further he would NOT rule out intervention. This combined assault on ‘$ bears’ was enough to give the currency new ‘leg life’. It immediately recovered two cents. We are now back below 1.55 and I expect us to test the 1.50 level before the end of the Summer. How else is my year end prediction of 1.38 going to be achieved !!!!
Sterling did have a brief ‘dive’ below 80 against the Euro. Expect to see this figure again over the Summer. The economy, best reflected through the current housing crisis, has NO hope of recovering under the current stewardship.
Equity corner:
Sorry about the HBOS tip. But like RBS over the past few weeks, it is worth sticking with. Thankfully we were able to take some profits on RBS – which subsequently got mauled. There is no logic to the current pricing of bank shares. Sure the future is tougher and many lucrative lines of revenues are a thing of the past. But surely current ‘adjusted’ p/e’s are unfair by any historical standards. I believe the worst of the sub-prime crisis is over. Most banks will have to cope with higher loan delinquincy rates, but this only brings back the standard banking model. Loan provisions have been too low for too long. Banks will soon start to lend again. They HAVE to. Thats what they are in business for. Otherwise income WILL evaporate. The current price weakness will reverse. The Hedge Funds will ‘migrate’ somewhere else.Banks are easy targets in the current fragile market. Particularly with so many of them seeking ‘top up’ capital. The HBOS share price actually slipped below its rights price on Wednesday. Thiis would mean that the underwriters would be left with ALL of the new stock. This would create an over-hang for many months.
Lets hope the market, and Hedge Funds, don’t allow this ‘disaster scenario’ to happen. It is NOT value-justified and only feeds the power and influence of the Hedge Funds.