Home Thoughts From Dubai

Tip when visiting/moving to Dubai:

And one day the Lord decideth that these nice people should have some real wealth. They were a friendly personable group. A race that haddeth a good reputation with the other races of the world. Lots of affability. And so the Lord gaveth them a property boom. Eleven glorious years. And many of these humble people, could not believe this gift from the heavens. But they were grateful. Unfortunately as this wealth grew, the friendliness, honesty and charity of these people went into ‘roller-coaster’ decline. Infidelity, arrogance, midas-belief, greed, fearless levels of debt, abandonment of common-sense and the destruction of many Christian principles became the way of life. The Lord did not like what he saw. He decideth change was necessary. And so he tooketh away the wealth and gave these people a property-crash. The bubble needed bursting. With Soddom and Gommorah type precision, the Lord decided a lesson was appropriate. The people of this ‘be-gorrah-land’ were now to rebuild their place in the ‘hall of kindness and humanity’. And to help them on the path of contrition, the Lord decided that they shall haveth a new Leader. A Leader who was rich in the values of the past. A man who was in tune with normality. A man who was fearless of self-expression – even to the point of believing that expletives should be re-introduced as part of Parliamentary and everyday language.
Now for those of you with a weak bad-language tolerance level, can I suggest you get a strong cup of coffee before going any further. Or just move to Property Corner – at least that is free of any sewer language. You see I need to devote this edition to the new Irish Taoiseach (Prime Minister to all you non-Irish) who has been caught with ‘his pants down’ (no, not literally. At least not in public) on a few occasions recently. The source of his embarrassment is his apparent lack of understanding of the technical capability of acoustics, public address and tannoy systems. Such is the Kindergarten level of his grasp of such things that he has been accidentally caught using the well known and used Irish word ‘Fuckin’ to express some aggravation with the lethargy or stupidity of people around him in Parliament/Diplomatic gatherings. While commonly used around the many of Irish social venues (usually pubs) this word does not have common usage or acceptance in business or parliamentary circles. Well not until NOW. The new Taoiseach, in his heroic efforts to bring back good Irish Values, has attracted attention, and it seems some admiration, with his liberal use of the word – whether accidentally or intentionally.
Now please do not dismiss the enormous effort of our/your new Leader to recapture some of that old personality and national identity. ‘Fu*kin’ is a wonderfully versatile word. It can express anger – as in ‘fu*kin waster’. Or joy – ‘fuc*in fantastic’. Or sarcasm – that’s ‘fu*kin great’. Or a statement on the weather  – ‘fuc*in hot’. Or a comment of the opposite sex – ‘fuc*in cracker’. Or even a marriage proposal – you are ‘fu*kin what ?’. A warning – stop ‘fu*kin around’. And as well as being an adjective it can also become a noun – ‘Fu*ker’. So you can see the versatility of the word. Now, Mr Brian Cowen,  get on with running the ‘Fuc*in’ country. Which in dire need of some corrective medication. By the way the new Prime Minister is from the County of Offaly. In Ireland men from this county are known as ‘Biffo’s’ – which coincidentally is an acronym for ‘Big Ignorant Fuc*er From Offaly’. How appropriate.
One little addendum/joke. ‘Snow White, Tom Thumb and Quasimodo were out drinking. Snow White says you know ‘I am the most beautiful girl in the world’. Tom Thumb says that is nothing ‘I am the smallest person in the world’. And Quasimodo proudly adds ‘ And I am the ugliest man on the planet’. But to confirm each characters claim, they agreed to visit the head office of the Guinness Book of Records the next day. Snow White was the first to go in. A few minutes later she came running out screaming with joy ‘its confirmed, I am indeed the most beautiful girl in the world’. Tom Thumb was next. Within minutes he was also emerging overjoyed from the library, proud that he was indeed ‘the smallest person in the world’. Finally it was Quasi’s turn. A couple of minutes later, he emerged from the room. Sadness written all over his face. What’s wrong asked his concerned friends. ‘Who the F**k is Brian Cowen ?’ asked the tearful Quasi.
Now lets get on with some real news. I mean half this ‘fu**in’ section has been wasted on some ugly ‘fu**er’ that has nothing to do with Dubai or the UAE – unless of course he can finally deliver the promised Irish Embassy in Abu Dhabi.
Dubai news of the week has been the announcement of two new Salik (road toll) gates from September. You may recall the outrage when the road toll system was introduced last Summer. What is being hailed as a traffic management success by Government Authorities is being condemned by inflation –traumatized residents as a cheap (well, expensive) revenue generating tool. And now two new ‘traps’. We fu**in told you!! The two new Salik points will really test the ingenuity of those drivers who have gradually carved ‘toll-avoiding’ routes over the past 12 months. One will be located on the ‘other’ major bridge that crosses the Creek and the other at Safa Park on the Sheikh Zayed Road. That will be a real difficult one to avoid and push so much traffic onto Al Wasl and Jumeirah Beach Road. Remember my warning last year. As you push more traffic onto these ‘subsidiary’ roads, the chances of pedestrian accidents increase. Already three people have lost their lives (although difficult to link) from aggressive drivers avoiding the existing Salik gates.
In a world plagued by rising prices and environmentally damaging habits, it is nice to see the airline industry deciding to cease the practice of issuing ‘paper-tickets’ to travelers. While motivated by the need to reduce operating costs – estimated savings of $3 billion (yes THAT much) each year – the switch to exclusively electronic ticketing from next week, will also result in 50,000 trees being ‘saved’ annually. I presume that assumption is only valid if passengers don’t print their electronic ticket from the computer confirmation.
Well this week there is growing rumour that one of Dubai’s leading Developers is in financial trouble. Not for the first time ‘this Company’, is the focus of attention. Indeed Home Thoughts has warned readers many times. Even if the current rumour proves to be wide of the reality, it will only be a matter of time. Another classic example of uncontrolled and reckless over-trading. Ask any ‘fuc*er’ in Ireland what that is about. But watch this space. A real fu*kin mess.
And on that subject, what do you think of Irelands’ Eurovision Song Contest entry. A turkey. No, not the SONG. The CONTESTANT. Yes a TURKEY. What has happened MY country. For a country that has such a proud history of success in the competition (it has won the most times), how could the Irish nation make such a dumb and embarrassing choice. Yes I know I could have used THAT ‘F’ word in this sentence but I am getting tired of its use. And I am not a Prime Minister. But it is a reflection as to how far the intelligence, and common-sense, of the Irish Nation has been corrupted. A TURKEY. Well the 250 million people in Europe disagreed with the Irish verdict. The entry did not even make it to the final night. It was eliminated well before the ‘song’ was allowed to terrorise the good citizens of Europe.
Justice ? Well one sure injustice was the decision to grant pay awards totaling Stg 120 million to the directors of what is in my the worlds most incompetent bank. Six of them. Sir Mark Moody-Stewart, chairing the remuneration committee seems to be on some new mind altering drug. How else could you explain the proposal to reward this already overpaid and over-weight collection of pseudo-intellectuals, with such mind-blowing generosity. HSBC customers should revolt. F***ers.
I have to mention a couple of friends (one new) this week. At the Dubai Rose competition last Friday evening (well done Emma from Limerick), Carmel (George’s Belle and a fellow competition judge), I can feel her blushing, alerted the catering staff to the smell of something burning in the dining hall. Each ‘warning’ was greeted, by our very pleasant and smiling Indian waiter with  ‘Yis Mam, n wil u bee drinkin rid or whit ween’? The sense of ‘urgency’ was lost somewhere in his command of English. Thankfully Carmel’s sense of smell also requires some improving !! The other ‘incident’ involved me having to head for home early last evening. I was enjoying the start of the weekend with a few drinks, with friends. Then two of the girls in the company suggested that one of my friends in the group looked like Matt Damon. Matt ‘fu**in’ Damon. Through the eyes God gave me, he looks more like ‘Jaws’ from a James Bond movie. My obvious lack of ‘vision’ caused me to believe it was time to head for Marina Terrace. Maybe it is just as well. At least I have had more time for all of YOU this morning. Matt Damon. How offended he would be if he had been present.
The beautiful Emma Dwane will represent Dubai at this years Rose of Tralee Competition. The gorgeous 22 year old Limerick belle (with her Mona Lisa smile) won a tightly contested battle to win the title. Well done Emma. We are all proud of you. Start to compose a vote-winning poem for the August/September completion. We all believe you will win. And to the other contestants hard luck on this occasion. It was a very competitive year.
The Euro is TEN years old on Sunday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.  As the second most traded currency in the world, I think ‘success’ is a fair description. But some countries Portugal, Italy,  Greece and Spain are all struggling. PIGS as they are affectionally known, have some seen their economies, after some initial success,  falter from one crisis to another. Greece for example has borrowings equivalent to 95% (yes 95%) of GDP. It has a 14% balance of payments deficit.  Not just outside the ‘operating rules’ but a planet away. Will we ever see some of these countries being ‘dropped’ ? Wonder how Ireland escaped ? Probably because it is difficult to create a word with another ‘I’, and Italy was more deserving of the ‘award’ on this occasion.
Just one quick ‘sequel’ to last weeks rant. Remember that EVERYBODY who recommends property sales or purchases in Dubai/Abu Dhabi is on the take. Every Agent. That is their life. They are here to lie and take your money. There is something in the oxygen in Dubai/Abu Dhabi that corrupts the most honest head .I don’t do many personal advertisements but I have been in the risk assessment business all my business life.
Have you ever wondered about the scale-capability of ‘scorned’ when you hear the statement ‘a woman scorned’ ? Well the Chief Executive of Abu Dhabi Commercial Bank will soon be able to write a book on the subject. He is currently fighting an Interpol arrest order. His offence ? Well his ex-wife is not happy with the dismissal of her appeal against the March 2007 divorce. So now she has chosen to ‘partner’ with the Press (and Interpol) in an attempt to embarrass the Chief Executive of one of the Regions most powerful banks, into submission. But I think the 60 year old (you see I told you my banking days may not yet be over !!) American Chief has the necessary weaponry to fight such ‘scorn’.
One apparent contradiction seems to be about to enter the Dubai property architecture. As you will be aware there has been a Rent Committee in existence for the past year. It has had mixed success in its attempt to protect tenants. But now the Government have decided to create a Rent Index – which will benchmark rents for particular areas of Dubai. This would appear to have the capability to dissolve the rent cap handcuffs that previously controlled the Landlords.
In an effort to show a level of support and brotherhood with the West, the UAE has made a decision to increase its daily oil output. While not directly responsible for this weeks fall in the price of the commodity, when added to last weeks Saudi decision and the belief by some other States that high oil prices are not good over the long term, it is a quality decision.
And it seems there is a growing appreciation on both sides of the world as to the challenges of ‘the other’. The US Treasury this week submitted a report to Congress on the need to let Middle Eastern States engage in a level of ‘currency reform’. Yes. Maybe I will win my ‘certainty of 2008’ – an appreciation of the Dirham against the US$. But even if it is not this year, it will be 2009. So stay with my plan. And if you can borrow the US currency against UAE assets, do so.
Finally be careful of the growth in projects in Ajman. These projects will only yield profits to the Emirate and first round Investors. There will be NO profit achieved if you do not fall into one of these categories. This is the Cavan (for the Irish), Preston (for the English), Dundee (for you Scots), Billabong (for you Aussies) etc of the UAE. Nice places but not where there will be mass employment or business. It will also suffer from infrastructure and entertainment deficiency.
Finally finally in juggernaut fashion the UAE’s objective of improving economic ties with important overseas partners continued this week with the visit of King Juan Carlos of Spain to Emirates Palace in Abu Dhabi. He was received by Sheikh Khalifa. Spain is the only major country in Europe with very little economic ties in the Region. You can expect a serious reversal of this ‘error’ in the months/years ahead.
Have a F****n great weekend.